Status updates...

I know one day I'm going to wish I'd kept all my status updates as I really enjoy the process of creating them so here goes the past few months' worth...

Ice....
...as thousands of tiny rainbow butterflies cascade around her sprinkling her hair with coloured kisses...
...feels millions of tiny sharp shattered pieces slice into her soul as she treads delicately on the smashed mirrors lying as far as the eye can see
...is on the beach of emotions picking up the pink pearls of broken hearts that waves of time have gently smoothed and rounded..
...stops the world and melts with you...
...watches as tiny sequins of dew collect on her skin sparkling in the moonlight...
...is putting bright red bows on her bottles of puppy-cuddliness....

...is making tinfoil stars for the windows so they can feel like they're part of the sky again..
...is trying to hold the sleep in, but it keeps escaping through her fingers and out of her mouth....
...is... therefore she rocks ;)
...leaves sugar crystal footprints wherever she goes...
...wonders if the higher the jump, the better the conclusion...?

...is trying to figure out how the king, queen and jack in cards came about? Why not the Duke and Duchess as well? and maybe a couple of Earls
...thinks that she should get an army of 1000 5-yr olds to paint all the roads rainbow colours....
...wonders if paddling around in the fountain of youth is supposed to make your skin all wrinkly like that....?
...wonders how much lucky butterfly-wing glitter is sprinkled over us each day without us even realising it....?
...thinks that sub-atomic particles should give it a rest now...

...says that spreading syrup on the pavement is harder than it looks....
...thinks that if the White Rabbit had been on time, the Fox might've still been there to catch him.. Lucky rabbit..
...has it on good authority that major gold farming is happening in China by a character named "Michael Phelps"..
...feels a little daft... can someone explain what 'huted' means?
...thinks this is just too damn funny - http://ping.fm/UReKB
...wonders if dark cars go faster because there's no light-friction....?

...imagines that sugar must get really dizzy in a candyfloss machine...
...is gently melting into the world...
...is as busy as a fish....
...remembers that she really likes downlights... :)
...is psyching up for cellular sweven..

...would love to know what exactly pirates kept finding that would take out just one of their eyes - and sometimes an arm and a leg......?
...just discovered ping.fm... and found that updating *every* site will spam friendfeed mercilessly... back to the data-relationship board
...is looking at the world through daisy-coloured glasses (they were out of roses...)
...thinks that we've become experts at teaching people how to remember, but we're useless at teaching them how to grow..

's mind isn't so much twisted as badly sprained..
...Too much.. http://tinyurl.com/6b4fdp
...says if there are lots of reasons, just name 6...
...isn't lost, I'm right here!
...is finally at.. umm wait, where is this again?

...eating her Life-flakes one bowl at a time and is almost at the toy inside the box!
...is even blonde in French.... doh!
...can feel the snap, crackle, pop as the neurons connect and reconnect inside her head...
...feels herself starting to freeze from the outside in as my skin turns a light blue and white starting at the fingertips..
...it's colder than before...

...The world is just an illusion trying to change you...
...has finally figured out that laughter is the human cipher-key..
...thinks that if ignorance is bliss, then why arent there a whoole lot more happy ppl in the world...?
...does NOT condone the killing of bananas... run little ones run!

...wraps her thorn wings tighter around her and feels the protective bite into her skin..
...wonders what's with all the 'Dummies' books... where have all the SMART ppl gone...? "Sex for Dummies"?? I mean really.......
...wading through the crashing waves of paperwork
...is building her perfect life. You can't help but be excited when you think of the possibilities.....!

...is testing the tensile strength of rainbows.
...quietly stirs her soul while sipping on the sweet taste of midnight...

still more kids...

We havent been at the beach for a good long while and spent most of the summer making use of the pool. Today we decided to pop through and just walk on the beach for a bit and as we climed over the top of the hill, my 4-yr exclaimed
"Mommy look at all the water! It's just like we've got at home, just without the walls..."

Colour me pink....

When I ..
 ....am feeling bubbly
 ....dip my finger in the yoghurt tub
 ....feel like a kid again
 ....am just like a polka dot
 ....am a barbie girl!
 ....eat candy floss
 ....lie down on cuddly pillows
 ....see hearts and butterflies and rainbows
 ....scratch
 ....spill red juice
 ....feel squishy and fuzzy
 ....fingerpaint
 ....run through flowers
 ....giggle
 ....am ticklish!

One more kiddie snip

We were driving home today and I wanted to pop in at the shop before we got there so I took a slightly different route.

All of a sudden, my 4yr old pipes up "Mommy, this is the wrong way, you've lost our house!"

Brain bubble...

Maybe I'm too new at blogging and posting on the web - strange seeing as I've been at an ISP for almost 10 years - but I've recently started feeling the impact of what I post out in the great www...

Now I know that I cant take everything at face value and I realise that whatever is published out in cyberspace is usually subjective and often lacking in facts - especially proven facts..

Saying all that, however, when I posted a simple arbitrary thought/brain bubble the other day, I was amazed to see the reaction. I changed my status to being as 'busy as a fish...'

I was just looking for something ambiguous and maybe slightly funny to post instead of the usual status updates.

What was so amusing though, is that I had so many people suddenly asking me about my status!
Fish, what's fish got to do with it?
So, just how busy are fish?
What planet are you on that fish are busy? etcetc

I even had one of my friends Google "as busy as fish"!!! classic!! Someone actually took the time out to Google my status update :D

Just because I settled on fish :)

Colour me yellow...

When I'm feeling
...like singing walking on sunshine
...happy as a child
...bright as the noon day sun
...alive to my core
...golden
...like a daisy
...like lots of smiley faces :) :) :) :) :) 
...canaryish and ducklike
...lovely lemon-like
...friendly
...liquid warmth like syrup
...fuzzy and peach skinned
...glowing from the inside
...cautious as an F1 flag
...incipid, pale and washed out 
...like a failed code execution on a website
...withering like a dying yellow rose
...high-speed like a lan cable
...winning the Tour de France jersey
...showing off in a garish BMW
.........feeling yellow.....

Dreams

Dreams have always been something I've thought was really a special treat..

You know, not just a 'thing' that some people do on some nights but not on others, but something really extraordinary... a glimpse into the future or another world or, if you're really lucky, sometimes even a message..!

I get the same feeling when I dream as when someone gives me a present - the thrill of being special enough to get something and the feeling of anticipation about what you're going to get or what's going to happen next.. your heart beats a little faster and your mind races to try and figure out what the present is, or where your dream is going to take you next..

What I didnt realise though, is that I'm one of the lucky ones who can actually control their dreams if I want.. I thought that's what everyone did but apparently it's not. It's called 'lucid dreaming' and it can be learned however.. This just means that if I dont like the direction my dream is going in, then I change it, I make it a happier or nicer dream so most of my dreams are good dreams :)

There was a recurring dream I used to have when I was younger. It was a really tall multi-story building with me sortof a third the way up with people walking about and around me were cells, as in jail cells, but with comfy beds and an armchair in each and a tv etc, rather cosy..

If I looked up though, the cells became more sparse and bare with heavier bars and a whole lot more drained of colour and life, even the people walking around moved slower and seemed older and more grey. If I looked down things looked even better, more colourful and the people walked faster and were younger and younger until right at the bottom, there werent even bars, it was all just open with children running all over the place. There was a great big bright blue swimming pool in the middle that was filled with children playing and splashing and having an absolute ball that you could look down on. If you looked really carefully you could see that even the doors on the bottom floor were open and allowed anyone that wanted to, to walk outside.. The funny thing was that even though all the floors were connected, no one was even trying to go downstairs, they all walked around a bit and then eventually walked upstairs and then found a cell...

There was also a 'jailer' walking around. He was a yellow gold skeleton with a great big cowboy hat on and he carried something in his hands, what exactly no one could see, but he had something. He didnt say anything or do anything, he was just there, walking from one floor to the next but everyone seemed to be afraid of him for some reason.

I spoke to someone about my dream a couple of years later and they said it seemed to be an analogy for life - everyone is so concerned about moving to the next level (up each flight of stairs) and not noticing that they're slowly getting older and life is less rewarding than what it was (sparse cells and less colour).. What we dont realise is that we all have the connection with our inner child, but we're not using it (that's the stairs going down that no one uses). If we learn how to be children again then we'll realise that we're actually free to be who we want to be (the doors are open).. The jailer is basically the belief that we have that we are constrained by someone/something like wealth, status or fashion when there is actually no substance to it at all...

Deep stuff in there, well it's either that or I could've been seeing a couple of alternate episodes of Prison Break... ;)

Symbolism

I happened to be walking around yesterday and I saw someone obviously in a bit of distress clutching the cross around their neck, now, after being in a convent for 8 years, the cross is a very strong symbol for me even though I am now muslim and I started thinking about what it actually means to me.

What I came to realise is that the cross, the star and moon, the Jewish star, the pentacle, the turban, the yamacula, the numbers '666' '786' etc etc, all have something in common - they're all symbols of something. 

Ok, so I realise that that sentence seems rather obvious, but actually it's not. How many times has someone actually asked to have their licence plate changed because it was '666' and they didnt want to have any bad luck? How many arguments have started (and never actually finished) because someone said they couldnt have or they had to have the Jewish star/pentacle/cross in a certain place or that the number has special powers?

I know plenty of people that say that their symbol has magical powers and to be honest, if that works for them, then great. My personal feeling though is that it's not the symbol that has the power, it's the person. They are the source of the magic or the miracle. It's their belief that something is going to work that makes it happen. Unfortunately, they dont want to see that it was actually their doing. They would rather believe that it was something outside of them, something external that caused something amazing. 

Why dont they want to believe that it was them? Firstly I think it's easier to invest and focus all of our energies in something other than ourselves because we have this belief that we are not more than what we are - extraordinary.

Also I think it's because of the innate fear of failure we all have. If they admit that it was due to them, it will be expected again and again and what happens if it doesnt happen again? Then they wont be able to 'blame' the symbol, fate, a higher power for the lack of a miracle, they will feel that it's their 'fault'... and for me, that is humanity's biggest failure - the need to blame.

If we didnt feel the need to blame, we wouldnt have revenge, war, hate, crime, self-loathing, prejudice... I can carry on and on.. but we are brought up that way - blaming, fingerpointing, hiding, avoiding responsibility. 

How do we change this? I believe that even though there is already a lot of damage done in the world, each of us needs to start with ourselves and with our children.. everyone making a little change will change the world someday.

So back to the symbols. They don't have the power that we attribute them, but they do have the power to remind us who we are and what we're capable of, if we're strong enough to believe it.

Too much..

I've been doing a lot of reading and general investigating and searching on the internet recently.. on a sidenote: I wonder if scouring the internet counts as searching for the meaning of life? It must be on the www by now surely.....?

Anyway, I digress.. while I've been doing all this searching and signing up etc etc, I seem to have had a couple of revelations - 'Aha! moments' they're usually called.

The first 'Aha!' is that people don't know what they want.

Now I'm not talking about how you like your steak cooked or what colour you like, those questions you've been asked ever since you could talk so you've had to come up with an answer for those. Do you usually chose the same size and cut of jeans because you went through all the trouble years ago and have stuck with the choice you made then? Or do you usually wear a blue shirt with navy pants because your one girlfriend told you once that you looked good like that?

If I was to ask you how you like your coffee what would you say? Weak, sweet and milky? I doubt it - according to a study, 75% of people asked said "dark and strong" but only about 20% really like it "dark and strong"..

So what's going on..? Why do we lie about what we want - sometimes without even realising it? I'm think it's because we don't really think about things.. we're bombarded day after day with loads and loads of information and on top of that we've become so incredibly lazy and 'open minded' so we accept things at face value.. When the TV advertises people enjoying "strong black coffee with a rich dark aroma", we subconsciously think that this is how we are supposed to drink our coffee.. But when you go to make that cup, you're going to make it how you want it - no matter what the ads (or your doctor) says..

We're becoming immune to the usual advertising of everyday products. If you've been using a certain painkiller/toilet paper/breakfast cereal for years and it's been working for you, exactly what kind of advertising is going to get you to change your mind?

The advertising that works, however, is the advertising of the new and 'gadgety'. You've never seen this before, it could change your life (seriously....), you'll be a new/prettier/happier person once you have this.

When we say that we're going 'window shopping', that's just an excuse to go see what else is 'new' out there. We never knew that what we were missing out on was a Wii....! I mean, how did I ever get fit without the balance board/Billy Bo's Tai-bo videos/evening aerobics classes at the gym?

We're a culture of fickle and easily-bored creatures who have a handful of predetermined ideas that we've clung to from when we were angst-ridden teenagers, and the rest of our lives are easily swayed by whatever is new out there.. the iphone, twitter, wii, xbox, space saver, ps2, airbed, ps1, the big green clean machine... all the way back to sliced bread..

Everything is faster, cleaner, simpler, more efficient and we have more gadgets and things to help us get more time but I dont think I know anyone who sits around and says "Gee, look at all this free time I have now" after buying the latest and greatest gadget on the market...

And whatever is the latest and greatest now, is probably outdated in a month and old news in 6 - if you're lucky.. I'm even lucky if you've got this far into my blog..

I have to revise my 'Aha!' statement. We do know what we want, and that is that we want to be happy, but we're looking for things to 'make' us happy instead of looking inwards, because it's only us that can make ourselves happy.. nothing else..

Random thoughts...

Who figured out that we only use 10% (or less) of our brain? did someone remove the other 90% and say, "hey look, he's still the same politician he always was..."

How did ducks figure out aerodynamics and how to fly so close to each other without creating huge pile ups in the sky..?

What is the definition of what's 'instant' - I mean, I wait at least 3 minutes for water to boil when making instant coffee..

Why do we say 'freshen up'? it's not like anything's gone down has it?

How can two seemingly opposite words mean the same thing - flammable and inflammable.. and was there a word fight to see who could get their word into the dictionary first?

Who looked at a cow many many years ago and said "lemme drink whatever I get out when I squeeze here..."

Why do we cut down trees to build jungle gyms?

Realising how much I have to say thank you for...

It's not often you realise that all the bad times that you've been through or going through in your life is not just the Universe or God trying to teach you something, but it's also using you to help teach other people lessons in life... and sometimes it needs you for the really hard lessons, the ones you need to be really tough to handle, not for your own sake - but for whoever is learning the lesson..

It's so very easy to be caught up in 'everything that's happening to me' and not notice that this is maybe a lesson that's being taught to someone else, and you're one of the lead players.. If you get something out of it, then that's a bonus, but that doesn't necessarily mean that was the reason for the situation..

So I need to say thank you, not just for the lessons that I'm learning.. but also for using me in teaching other people their lessons.. if I can help with enlightening other people, then that's one of the most useful things I can think of doing in life.. 

Or rather, if I am someone's subconscious call for help or lesson, then I am so grateful that I'm the one that they chose to be part of their life.. 

Numerology - wow, absolutely accurate!

The number 9 year is one of completion and marks the beginning of the ending of everything you have managed to accomplish during the last decade. This is an uncomfortable year for many individuals, especially if they are unable to embrace change. You may feel restless and things that used to interest you may be replaced by new desires. If you are not able to let go of the past willingly, a situation may manifest that forces you to change. This is the year you reap what you sow.

More kiddies

My youngest was sitting on the couch the other day and suddenly said "Mommy, bottle!"

Now I'm a stickler for manners, and I'm usually pretty hard on them, but I was feeling rather soft so I said "a 'Please' would be nice!"

So he said "Please would be nice!"

Good point...

You know one of the biggest downfalls I have is what I always considered to be one of my best traits - trying to please everyone..

I said to someone the other day that I dont always get it right, but at least I have to try.. This was their reply (dumb comments inbetween are mine):
"How many people are in the world?"
"umm.. dunno about 6 billion or so"
"and what percentage of those would you say are athiest or satanists?"
"huh? umm.. well at a guess, 5 or 10 percent maybe?"
"so that works out to what, about 30 million at a conservative guess right?"
"yeah.. I think so" <---you've figured out this is me right?
"So if God can get it right to please 30 000 000 people and He's supposed to be the perfect being, how the heck are you going to get it right?"
"----"

Where's my sign?

Ever get the feeling you're meant for something greater? Not the life you're living now, but something that if you had to look inside would make you feel like the guys in Pulp Fiction carrying the case - awe and wonder and amazement....

Not that there's anything wrong with your life as it is now, but it's just 'something' ... you cant put your finger on it and every time you examine it, it's almost like you're delving into the unknown and you dunno whether it's a good thing or a bad thing so you back off a bit and leave it alone with the promise that you'll 'get to it sometime'... but you never do.. it's a bit of fear of the unknown, but also the fear that you're wrong...

And if you're wrong, that means that you have no higher purpose, you're not that special, you're just a plain jane with nothing to contribute to the world than the next generation and hopefully somewhere, somehow, someone in your bloodline will do something important and your life wont be worth nothing..

You just wish there was some sort of indication that where you are, what you're doing, who you are, is right... that this is where you're supposed to be or be doing.. 

And if not, if you're supposed to go down the rabbit hole, if you've got bigger things to do, then show me a sign dammit... where's my sign?

Threshold

I seem to be on the brink of something.. what that is, I'm still not sure but it feels like it's just around the corner...

It feels like it's life changing, absolutely mind blowing and will change my life and everyone else's around me for the rest of however long.. I'm excited and nervous at the same time and impatient too.. I want whatever it is now, I hate not knowing..

I guess I feel that about anything really, as long as I know, I'm ok.. it's the not knowing that gets me 

Hold on though people, because once whatever this is breaks through, there's no stopping it.. this is the good pandora's box that we've been waiting for for all this time.. we just need to allow it through...

More

Ok, so back on my topic of 'something's a coming'... The more I speak to people, the more I get the feeling that everyone is 'suffering' from the same feeling - that there's a major shift in the whole world at the moment... And you know the feeling when you adjust an uncomfortable pair of pants, that second where it's actually a little more sore but then it's a whole lot better straight afterwards? That's what it the feeling seems to be like that many people are experiencing.. 

It's not bad, it just seems a little distressing to the more sensitive ones and a little bit of an unsettling feeling to those not-so-sensitive..

The world is changing, it's straightening up, it's reaching it's arms out and stretching, dusting off the grey ugly particles that have somehow attached themselves to it.. Those dusty particles are not going to be happy but then hey, who said everyone has to be happy with everything?

Once the world has had a chance to shake itself out and stand up from it's lazyboy where it's comfortably settled over the past decades, then what? Do we all suddenly become magically enlightened fairy sprinkles of (environmentally friendly) light sparkling all over the place? Or do we hang on for dear life begging that things settle down just a little so that we can make sure our grip on reality is tight enough so that we dont fall off?

No one wrote me a manual for this. Admittedly, no one wrote me a manual for life either, but I've sortof fumbled my own way through that and the semi-path that I believe is my reality is a pretty well beaten one and one that I have quite a bit of time and energy invested in.

This is different though, I dont have a movie reference for it, I dont have a book for it, I dont even have a friendly conversation that ever referenced something like this.

There are all sorts of coincidences that are happening, I seem to be reminded about the number 73 a lot for some reason. The amount of people who decided to chose stripes for their wardrobe today was quite scary, what's even a little more unnerving is that the ones I saw were all horizontal stripes at that.. Want me to take it a little further? They were all either black and white stripes or dark and light stripes. Why? no idea.. one of those little reminders for those of us that take notice that the universe is constantly working, watching, moving, shifting - all in response to us...

another kiddie snippet

My son has recently learnt how to put his shoes on, thing is, he keeps putting the left shoe on the right foot and vice versa. Each time I tell him to swop the shoes to put them on the right way, or so that they don't hurt him. The other day, however, I said "because they're on the wrong feet"

He then replied "but I dont have any other feet.."

Quiet night...

Thinking of the secrets of perfect pyramids...  

iced coffee and a sunrise on a tropical island...

walking barefoot through a jungle after a summer rainstorm...

browsing around a old market smelling of sandalwood incense...

dragonflies and ipod astronauts filling the skies...

flying the ocean following dolphins in a silver plane...

mixing my tears into cupcakes...

listening to the stars and the licking the rainbows...

feeling music caress my skin while my heart sings along...

strong hands deliberately holding my skin as fingers of love wrap around my soul...

giving of me to fix u...

Kiddie snippet

I said to my sons after they climbed into the car today "I hope everyone's going to behave! I don't want any nonsense"

To which my 3 year old trying to please me replied "I'm being haved Mommy"

Kids, you gotta love them

When your words come back to haunt you...

Sooo, I go rambling about people who go to work sick and how they should rather just stay home and guess what, I get sick over the long weekend. And then I went into work today. I went home shortly afterwards and ended up sleeping the afternoon away just to try annilate the terrorists that have taken up residence in various parts of my immune system.

Ok, I'm digressing from my original point just slightly. Why is it that we are all so good at dishing out advice but so bad at taking the very same advice from ourselves? We can objectively look at someone else's situation and give them 101 things to do and to not do and yet if we should find ourselves in a similar or even the identical situation, we don't even think about giving ourselves advice, never mind taking it.

Case in point was today, I found out that someone I know is going through a divorce. Now the person that he is, he's been the shoulder for other people to lean on in the same situation, but now that he's there, he doesn't give himself his own advice and when I said to him something that he already knew, it was like a light came on - an 'oh yeah' moment. He knew the advice, he just couldnt give it to himself. 

Maybe this is like a built in failsafe that we're all given. Maybe this is the way we're designed, to depend on other people. Humans to all intents and purposes are social creatures and maybe this is a way to re-establish contact when we're disconnecting from something. We need contact with other people, whether it be in person or even nowadays via the internet or sms. I think that's what the whole appeal of chat programs, chat rooms and things like mxit are: it's a way to connect to many different people on different levels. It lets you be the different people you are inside all in the same place.

I guess it's also a way of hedging our bets so to say. The more people we have connections with, the less likely it's going to hurt should any of those connection disconnect. Obviously the strength of the connection counts, but if you have 100 other people to fall back on who all sympathise and support you, you feel a lot better than if you had no one.

The only drawback then is that you only have so much time and effort to put into each of those connections and the more you have, the thinner you end up spreading yourself until each person only gets a megre amount of you and most likely will only return the same amount of attention to you. 

So it's that balance that counts, have enough to have support but not too much that you're not just connecting on a superficial level. If anyone knows how to get that right, let me know, you could make a fortune :)

Super Sunday

Not my favourite day of the year and being under heavy fire from some relentless unknown germs that happen to have been passed along to me didn't make the day much better...

Firstly, to all those people who dragged me into this germ onslaught, I would like to thank you.

Did you think when you bit the bullet and dragged yourself to work coughing and sniffing? Of course not, you were tougher than that!

Did you listen when everyone was so concerned and begged you to go home? Hell no! You knew that the company would come to a standstill without you, that work couldn't possibly carry on and that hundreds of angry customers would all phone in and cancel their subscription to the company...

Who the hell do you think you're kidding?? You walk in that building and everything you touch, breathe on or even look at becomes a veritably breeding ground for the plethora of microscopic meanies and all the healthy people around you try their best not to breathe or even glance in your direction to try and prevent being sucked into the same hell that you're currently experiencing. But do you care? Of course not, hell no... staying at home is boring if there's nothing to do and no one to talk to so it wont do any harm going to work..

News Flash: It does! It makes us all sick! Do us a favour and Stay At Home if you're sick! - Please!!

Mastery Club Part II

Ok, so I didnt really get to the point last blog but I think it's going to take a while for me to get there anyways so if you're going to start reading, make sure you have a cup of coffee/tea/glass of wine and make yourself comfortable.

The idea behind the Mastery Club is pretty much the same as The Secret. The idea that you are in complete control of the world around you. Not in the pick-something-up-and-move-it kind of way, but in a seriously more dramatic imagine-it-believe-it-and-you-can-change-the-world kind of way.

Its actually a scary concept. One that I started thinking of when I heard the speech that Nelson Mandela or whoever gave (there are about 6 different ppl credited with it). You know the one where it starts "Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure". That started me thinking then that we are all actually scared of our own potential. Even more than that, we're all scared to think that we're wasting our potential.

So we throw ourselves into our jobs, our families, our hobbies and say that we're all just so busy and so involved with everything that it's not our fault that we cant get to realising our full potential. We take time off for relaxing and time off to spend with the family and even take time off to move homes and redecorate. But nowhere does anyone take time off to change their lives... And when you read a book like The Secret or the Mastery Club where it explains in really basic terms what you have to do to change your life it makes you wonder why, if making such big changes are really that easy, why we arent all doing it on a daily basis??

And I think the answer is that we're scared. Not that it wont work and we'll be disappointed, but that it will work and we will be able to make huge changes in our lives. What could be the problem with that. Well think of the first thing that you would change if you could - lemme guess, it was something rather selfish wasn't it? That's not a bad thing, but we've been so conditioned by everything around us that we feel we should always be thinking of our spouses/children/parents/the next person and that to want something purely for ourselves is somehow wrong. But that's the part that doesnt get explained to us as we grow up or when we leave school or when we start working. No one says it's ok to be selfish in the beginning, to look after ourselves first so that we can look after others. We just trudge along with everyone else, we do what our parents did, what our teachers tell us we must do and what society has set out in the rules. We spend most of our lives trying to further ourselves the whole time we think of things in terms of who's 'fault' it is and spend so much energy trying to prove that things aren't our 'fault' even if that means putting the blame on someone else.

Now there is a new movement, one that says we make our own lives. Not just through hard work and being a sheep. But by being different and unique and special and standing out. That takes effort though, and that's the kind of effort that requires us to think and to decide, to learn and to take responsibility for what we do, what we think and most importantly, for who we are. And I know that that scares the living daylights out of me.

I want to try out this amazing trick or skill or whatever you want to call it, but I'm scared that if I do and it works, I'm never going to be able to go back to being ignorant again. You can't cross back over once you've crossed this line. I wont be able to say 'I never knew that' because I would have the knowledge of how to change things. That would then mean that it was up to me to actually do something about the world around me and, more importantly, do something about myself.

So what happens if I didn't want to, what happens if I didn't feel like putting in the effort, if I wanted a selfish outcome instead of the 'right' one? I could always say no, but then I would have to deal with the guilt and know that even though I could've made a difference - I didn't, and to understand that the consequence of that inaction was my doing. 

Now that scares me. I know I'm not perfect, but right now, I have all the reasons - or rather excuses, for not being perfect. I do this and there aren't any more places to hide....

So I know I will take that step, I think I'm just going to enjoy being ignorant for a little while longer.... 

Mastery Club

Ok, what I've started noticing is that people tend to focus more on negative things than they do on positive things.

Its easier to notice the beggar at the traffic lights than the guy who's trying to actually sell the Big Issue to make a living.. It's easier to complain about not having enough money after just finishing a Big Mac meal than to think about the guy rummaging through the garbage for a couple of slices of old bread..

This is actually one of many random offshoots that my mind is giving off after reading a book called the Mastery Club. Its a teenagers book with the lessons of life in it..

Its amazing, we teach children all about science and adding and where everything is, but we dont teach them how to live. Sure there's a subject called life orientation where you get to experience 'normal' life problems and how 'normal' people deal with them. But that in no way means that they're right.... Who says that anything we learn in school is important? Sure, I mean it would be a bit strange if no one knew how to read or write or add 2 plus 2, but all the fuzzy stuff that we get taught. Tell me ladies, which one of you went on to hand sew a garment for yourself after learning that in Home Economics (a misnomer if ever there was one)? 

There is so much out there in this world that we dont understand and still need to find out about and all we teach children is what everyone already knows but nothing - nothing, about how to live. I think thats probably because we havent got it right ourselves yet......

Tsk tsk

Yes ok, so much for keeping up blogging... looks like this might be an intermittent thing after all :P

But you know, come to think of it, doesn't anyone else get tired of all the things you 'have' to do online? You know, I 'have' to update my blog, my MySpace page, my Facebook profile, my Flikr photos, my Twitter/Facebook/whatever status.....

By the time you've finished updating everything, you've really done nothing, a couple of hours have gone past, the work has piled up, the kids need to be fetched and you feel like you've accomplished nothing much than just updating your updates.. seems all a little pointless sometimes...

It would be really nice if you had a simple 'something' that watched you and updated what you were doing automatically :)) ok, well maybe not, talk about the ultimate in stalker fodder.... and I'm pretty sure there are plenty of those out there just waiting for someone to advertise their life, likes, address and schedule so that they can take advantage of it.

So by the way, I think I'm free in 2044 between 2pm and 4pm... ;)

Jung

Although I've always been interested in Jung, I've never managed to actually get around to reading his work properly. His personality test is, however, quite popular and has become an interesting way of finding out about people and the type of personality traits a certain person will display.

I've just done one of these tests at http://similarminds.com and it has scored me as an ENFP. That means I scored 68% on Extroverted compared to 32% on Introverted. I scored 61% on Intuitive vs 61% on Sensing, 57% on Feeling against 43% Thinking (pretty close) and then finally 79% in Perceiving vs 21% Judging.

According to the site this means that I should make a good journalist..... err.. excuse me? LOL! This says that I have an 'uncanny sense of the motivations of others and Life is an exciting drama' Apparently us ENFP's make up 8.1% of the total population.

Then of course I went and googled for ENFP - one site is just not enough you see - and found out that there is a lot that I actually agree with :))

Then they have my preferred careers - wow.. All I can say is that I cant imagine being a choreographer or record store owner but the actor, radio dj or freelance writier I can definitely imagine :)

Well I guess that's enough for now, lets see how long I keep this blogging thing up for ;)

Start

Well, lets see if I can actually start spending some time blogging. Been wanting to try this for a while, just never got around to it..